Ahoy, mates! Or should I say,
pirates? That seems to be the popular way to greet each other these days. Yes, it's that time of year again—Pirate Day. A glorious celebration of murderers, thieves, and everything that's wrong with the seas. As if
actual pirates haven't been causing us enough trouble.
Now, don't get me wrong. I get it. Everyone loves a good excuse to get drunk, dress up, and wave a plastic sword around. Maybe it helps you forget that those of us who sail the open seas for a living have to deal with the
real pirates who aren't exactly what I'd call "celebration-worthy."
Let me break it down for the landlubbers. These "charming scallywags" you love so much? The ones you tip your hats to and pretend to be while swigging grog? Yeah, they’re the same sort who raided my cousin's merchant ship off the coast of Tiragarde. Guess what happened? They didn’t sing shanties, they
didn’t invite us to dance, and they certainly didn’t leave after a quick "yo-ho-ho." No, they stole our cargo, burned the ship to splinters, and—surprise—left half the crew floating in the sea as shark bait. The captain? Tortured for information and then gutted like a fish. A real festive bunch.
I guess it’s
hilarious, though, right? Dressing up as folks who’ve ruined countless families, slaughtered innocents, and wrecked trade routes across Azeroth. Let’s all have a good laugh about the trade embargoes that are driving prices through the roof in Boralus, huh? I’m sure the widows and orphans of those who’ve met a pirate’s blade are just thrilled at the idea of dancing on the graves of their loved ones. But sure, toss on your pirate hat and cheer “Arrr, matey!” while we try to keep our actual ships from getting plundered.
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Tell me, do we also have a "Mugger Day" where we celebrate those who hold up caravans at knifepoint? Or maybe we should start dressing up as Defias thugs for “Bandit Week.” I can already hear the excuses—“Oh, but it’s just
fun!” Yeah, fun. Nothing says a good time like celebrating the folks who’ve decimated trade across Kul Tiras, threatening our livelihoods, our families, and our very lives.
So go ahead, enjoy your Pirate Day. Just don’t be surprised when the real pirates show up at your door. You might find out they’re a little less jolly than you’d hoped.
Yours in irritation (and self-preservation),
Gullen Hardtide
A sailor who’d rather not toast to his would-be murderers