Apple Red
A column for advice to the common folks by the common lass


I have many customers who over time share their stories of heartache and concerns. With discretion and anonymity some will be shared here as well as letters and questions which are sent to the newspaper. Enjoy the reading and I hope it will inspire you to send in your own questions. Know you are not alone and we all struggle with everyday problems in our everyday life.
-Redgwyn Hearthland
Editor's note: Regwyn Hearthland is a navy captain's daughter, barmaid and assistant in Pig and Whistle. If you want to send a letter and ask any questions concerning the everyday struggles in a relationship and wish to get advice from someone not up there but one of the folks, you can send your letter to : Spazzlefrock Frostcog Chief in Editor of The Lion's Roar Or contact your everyday barmaid Redgwyn Hearthland.
Wife in despair" asks:
To the esteemed miss Red. I was so happy when I heard the newspaper would be up and running and I pray to the Light my letter will be read and advice given. Now to myself then, I am a good wife and mother of five and my husband works for the city guards. He does not earn much but we have a steady and good job and our children are fed. But that is where the problem starts and I do not dare to tell my neighbours or friends. On the outside our family seems presentable and good but they do not know how much I cry at night when my children are sleeping and I sit at our table alone trying to count the coins and make a living of what is left. You see, my husband is a drunk and spends all his free time at the taverns with both girls for coins and strong drinks. Please miss Red I beg you for advice. How can I get my husband to change his ways and be the man I once married? -"Wife in despair"
Answer: Dear Wife in despair. You are a strong woman who kept five children alive and fed even with a drunk bastard for a man. You got guts and courage and now it is time to use it. When your man gets his pay you tell him to hand it over to you as any responsible married woman would do and then you are once again in control of your household. If he refuses to give you the coins do not feed him, wash his cloth or let him crawl into a warm bed. Keep your door locked until he gets his shit together. I am sure the City Guard wants presentable men and if he gets to work smelling bad, unclean and hungry his superiors will start to ask him questions he can not answer. Also, be a smart one. I am convinced by my own experience there are city guards with both high moral standards and a true will to do good for our city and its citizens. Have a chat with one of em and see if they can lend you a hand, or even ask for a conversation with a superior of mid rank. A woman has to lead from the shadows, but rest assured that not only do you sit on the most expensive gold mine, you also have the power to change things in your life. If nothing else works, come by our tavern at day time and I will offer you some other solutions. -Redgwyn
Your secret admirer mr D " asks:
Hello Red. I just want to know what is the best way to pick up a girl at a tavern? -"Your secret admirer mr D "
Answer: Hello mr D. If you wishe to impress a girl you use no lies but honest charm and make sure you pay for her drinks. Food is also important and some sweets. Take interest in her words and actions. A good man is a man who knows how to treat her well. It is also important that he has a good living, because no girl wants to get involved with an unemployed slob, so pointing out that you earn enough is good, if you do. Also make sure you have washed yourself good with a proper soap, no cheap stuff because they wont do half the work. Find a nice table, hanging over the bar never impress a lass and don’t rush her, a fruit needs to be picked at the perfect time when it is ready otherwise they are sour and in worst case even poisoned. -Redgwyn
Lady of the coin" asks:
To Miss Red. I aint much for writing but I will give this a try and see if your worth reading abou. So me and some other girls been working the streets and have our regulars and it's all good and dandy but I just can't stand the most drunk bastards. Not only do they smell like shit they also have a tendency to be hard in their grips and it happens more then one time the idiots puked all over my outfits. I mean a girl have to make her living so can't really stop and there aint that many jobs for someone like me but how can I handle these idiots better. -"Lady of the coin"
Answer: Hello Lady of the coin. I understand your struggles and concerns and also the fact you can not go to any of the guards for help. Your living is hard and the people you meet can be brutes in many ways. There are a few suggestions I like to give you though. One would be to get a potion from an alchemist that can be sprayed on a customer to make him more “soothing” and easy to work with. However, there is a better option. I know many of the taverns are seeking help and may offer, perhaps not better pay, but more safe work environments. -Redgwyn
The sleeping hammer" asks:
Miss Red I have heard you give advice when it comes to romance and love issues and I want to ask if you have any advice considering my issue. As any other grown up man I like to spend time at the Tavern drinking with my fellow co-workers and enjoy a night of good ale with friends. However anytime I meet a nice lass and we attempt to rumble in the hey my hammer wont work with me. He just seems to be sleeping even if I am in a good mood and have a pretty one beside me. Got any advice for that? -"The sleeping hammer"
Answer: Hello Sleeping hammer. The first thing I would make sure is that you have visited a mender or herb woman to make sure you have not gotten any disease or other damage to your tool. Physical problems should be solved physically and if your hammer wont rise from a few ales it’s time to make an appointment. I would also recommend starting with getting some Earthroot in combination with deviate fish. This can then stimulate muscle growth, enhance performance and improve skeletal structure. If the problem still remains I suggest visiting the darker districts and the coin girls who can do amazing work. ( the last sentence have been scribbled over ) In the end you can not do a proper work if your tools are broken. -Redgwyn
Handsome Harry " asks:
Hi Red. I got a question for ya. Why do girls look so, so much prettier when I drink then in the next morning? -"Handsome Harry "
Answer: Hello Handsome Harry. The answer is simple, liquid with alcohol puts you in a good mood and with a positive attitude on life and “girl things” turn less complicated and worth living. The girls are as pretty in the morning as in the evening if you add a pint to your breakfast. -Redgwyn
Hard working lad" asks:
Miss Red I am a young lad who worked hard all my life at my da`s store and I think I have managed to make a good living for a future woman and one day I will take over our family store. But I struggle so hard to meet a good girl and everytime I try to speak to one I lose words and start to stutter. I hate myself for this and now it has gotten to such a big problem even in the store because if I meet a pretty girl there I almost forget what I am doing. The only time I feel confident enough is when I have gotten enough drinks in my body so I do not care anymore. But the girls I meet at the taverns are not really the type of girl I want to have for the future. What should I do? -"Hard working lad"
Answer: Hello young hardworking lad and thank you for sending me your question. It seems to me you are a man who has a good future and something to offer the proper girl. Having an ale or two is every man’s right and you should enjoy it without having to use it as a solution. There are other ways to solve your little issue, I say. First of all, aint no shame to meet and greet the tavern working girls, so get that out of your system. Besides there are some taverns who have proper establishments and not just girls working their legs for coins. The answer to ya problem is practise and self confidence. Come by the Pig and Whistle and we’ll get you free lessons on how to socialize in a proper way while we give you some fresh juice and pie. The ale you can come back and drink with your lads later on. -Redgwyn